I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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