guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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