Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
