Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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