oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
