Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
