3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
