Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
