Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
