Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
