If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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