You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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