Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
