I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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