please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
