out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
