it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
