Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
