I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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