I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
