I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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