I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
