and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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