And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
