Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you will always have a special place in my vag
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
