a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
