I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
