I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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