I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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