ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
