The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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