Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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