I will die if light touches me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
