It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
