The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize