I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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