You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
