shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do herpes really smell.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This is the high leading the old right now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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