You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
