You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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