How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
