Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
