Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
