We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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