my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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