I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize