TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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