I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
