you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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