Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
