Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
