Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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