i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My first STD was from a foam party
Everything about him screamed your future.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
