I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
