EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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