Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
