And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
