Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
