So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
