Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
