Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
