I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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