i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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