so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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