Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
